She remembers four roses
He gave her, shyly
Four months after they said “I do”
and how they always took turns at movies —
For her – Ghost, by him
She sat through “Under Siege”
And they giggled over jokes
No one else would get.
Yesterday, he came home
Slammed the door and
Swore at her for fifteen minutes.
When he watched Steven Segal
She sat crying in the bedroom
Singing “Unchained Melody” between sobs.
On this empty night, I listen
to the unromantic sound of the furnace
and in between snow spatting against the windows
Morse code of no meaning.
The cat scattered the deck; cards tossed across the floor
It’s okay – I was cheating anyway
Nothing holds my interest tonight
Not my thoughts or the quiet jazz on the speakers
I would like to not think of you
For my only considerations to be of
Silly games and my plans for tomorrow
Not of signing on and not finding you there
It’s not like I don’t have friends – good ones, too.
They are kind, but I want more than that.
I want what you will not give me
It hurts, and for tonight, I wish I didn’t care.
Another four o clock
The tears on my face mirrored
in the rain on the window
This isn’t how it was supposed to be
Not what I was building towards
My life crumbling inside my heart wearing down
Like the bones like my health like me
Waiting to hear from you
Please don’t go away
I’ve had enough cut out of me
I can’t bear to lose you, too.
I reach out to touch,
And my fingers pass through you
Immaterial, a dream.
So tangible to my heart, beloved,
But a matter of no matter.
My love is a phantasm, haunting me,
Almost imaginary.
Only my pain has substance.
Repentances
There’s no part of me that doesn’t hurt
From the core of my soul to the surface
Of my bruised life.
It is no help to know it was my choice.
Know this, young ones:
It is better to decide
In the cold light of day.
Shadows cast by moonlight and sentiment
Deceive the heart.
This dagger plunged deep is mine forever.
pour mon ami — you know who you are! 🙂
Not all meetings take place
Face to face
Nor are all connections forged because two people fought side by side.
Distance is a measure of emotion, not kilometers or miles.
One can stand next to someone else and be farther away
Than two people a thousand miles apart
Who connect at the mind — and soul — and heart.
When I tell myself I have put you away
I know I lie; all it takes is a brief note of music
or a turn of phrase and you are before me
so vividly you are almost standing there.
I can barely breathe — or find the air to speak;
I never could. Love wrapt in the fear of loss;
a gift I could never give you to open —
that you would not even if I had the courage.
What does it say of us that ‘I love you’
were the only three words between us left unuttered?
Perilous new year
Afraid to take a step in faith
Need to trust my heart
Must brush away the fear I feel
How else to start again?
Inhibitions
I wish you could hear /
Words I can never speak Why /
must hearts be silent?
Chances not taken
Seeds not planted dry to chaff
are lost in the wind
De Mon Esprit! 